So I am super frustrated with these "It's okay not to have sex" ads.
Exhibit A
Okay let's stick with Exhibit A for now, because there's just too much to say about this one. Don't be deceived by the wording... but think about what it's actually reinforcing. The real work, in any advertisement, is in reading what is not OBVIOUSLY stated; in finding the hidden "therefore..." to it. So while this campaign may seem to be innocently telling girls "sexy ≠ having sex," I can't help to think what happens to everyone else who falls somewhere outside of that alignment: "already having sex = ?", or "not sexy = ?".. or both, "not sexy & having sex = ?".
Sooooooooo.
Have you heard about the virgin-whore expectation? If so, move along, if not keep reading. Firstly, girls nowadays grow up with the knowledge that it's much, much, much easier to get what you want when you're beautiful/sexy. Before anyone brings up how difficult their sorry lives are because "nobody takes them seriously as an attractive woman," let's just say this: without your beauty, you would be down right invisible. Being 'taken seriously' is part 2 to being noticed, so let's agree on that first. Secondly, girls are also told just how important virginity is to (A) their self-worth, and (B) the worth that the rest of the world attributes to them. Beginning with creeptastic purity balls, and constantly policed with slut-shaming from parents, friends, and the-general-rest-of-the-world. I'll go into slut-shaming more another day, but just keep in mind the consequences for a young girl or woman who has sex. All hell breaks loose. So let's piece this together: (1) must be sexy at all times to even get my foot in the door, (2) must be virginal. What we get is the virgin-whore complex. This is something that starts young and gets told to women from all different kinds of places--keep in mind that it's also not always with bad intentions, either. When I say that slut-shaming comes from parents, for example, it's not to say that parents are intentionally trying to make their daughters feel like shit. It's just showing you how deep this idea runs.
MOVING ON... can you see now, why I have a problem with the campaign? While abstinence is not a bad thing, this isn't the way to 'promote' it. This is only reinforcing the age-old idea that women, you are worthless without your virginity, and invisible with your sexiness. So here's an impossible tight-rope to walk. Oh yeah, and if you happen to fall off of it, you're a giant slut for it.
I have to take a break from this frustration, but will add more soon!
In the meantime, here is an awesome-on-top-of-awesome article by Jessica Valenti on why we really, really need to throw out the campaign for virginity.
